Stuck with You (Phan)
by DoNotBuyPhanHamsters
Summary: When Dan Howell gives up his dreams of becoming an Actor for his parents, he doesn't think he will be able to ever feel happiness. That is until he meets a blue-eyed ray of sunshine. Can he learn to let go of his dreams and find one in Phil Lester? Or will he feel lonely and broken forever. (Will have cheeky butt sex in later chapters)
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DAN AND PHIL. I wish that I did so I could make them get married.**

 **DAN**

I stood at the edge of the long grassy lawn in front of me with every intent on running. The dreary silence filling the empty air around me as I could feel the butterflies doing choreographed dance numbers inside my stomach.

This was the last place on earth I wanted to be now.

I took a deep breath and stepped onto the grass of Regent's University London, my black converse entering my own personal hell. From behind me, the city of London seemed quiet and distant. Being almost forgotten as the 11 A.M. church bells rang somberly.

All I wanted was to be happy. I wanted to be different. I wanted to peruse my one true love, the Dramatic Arts. Of course, this wasn't enough for my parents. They wanted me to be "successful", they wanted me to single handedly represent the pristine Howell family name. To be another one of the Lawyers or Doctors or Politicians who had blessed the Family for the last 175 years. If I was a female, I would be another trophy wife.

I mean of course I know my parents love me, but I also know that they don't know a fucking thing about what is "best for me". They supported me for years, but this did not mean that any hobbies I had would be embraced with open arms. They didn't even respect me enough to let me become what I want to be. Even if I did get into the musical theater department of the Boston Conservatory of the Arts.

I scowled in annoyance as I dragged my luggage across the lawn and onto the pathway. I mean, I was proud of myself for fitting all my belongings into 3 suitcases and a gigantic duffel, but I also should have taken my parents up on their offer of back to school shopping and moving help, but he didn't want to be around them.

It took me maybe 15 minutes but eventually I dragged my piles of garbage to the check in booth, scowling as I approached the lady behind the foldable table. "Howell, Daniel James." I called out as the girl looked up at me with big moon eyes "Hello Daniel, I am pleased to meet you. Howell, that right? Like James Howell, the Ambassador to France?" I rolled my eyes and responded with a curt nod.

"Why gee, this school sure does love its pristine family legacies doesn't it? You will be in Hogsworth Hall, and we do sorting based on interests and talents. We the first night of house rush week today actually, at 7" She gave me a ridiculously fake grin and batted her Bambi eyes at me.

Good god I've never cringed this much in my entire life, and believe me I cringe a lot.

"Oh of course, sorting sounds excellent!" cringe "I will most definitely be there!" Cringes McCringe Cringe

This seemed to be enough for the girl, and she sent me off on my way. Smiling and handing me a gift bag filled with crappy memorabilia encouraging school spirit. I sighed and pulled out my map, looking desperately for the dorms, running into a soft wall of human and coffee.

Whoops

"Oh, my god! I'm so sorry, god I was stopped in the middle of the fucking path like an idiot, drinking coffee instead of looking where I was going!" A soft American accent filled my ears as I looked down at a blonde girl with large eyes and a, now empty, coffee cup.

"Oh, it's completely my fault. I was looking at this god dam labyrinth of a map looking for my Dorm." I wasn't usually pleasant, but this girl seemed nice.

The girl smiled shyly and held out a hand, "Lisa. Freshman, from the wonderful land of the red white and blue and the Antichrist."

I immediately laughed and took her hand "Dan. Freshman as well, from the land of Tea and Heart Breaking TV series"

She chuckled "Oh please tell me we are in the same Dorm, I will cry if I am alone because I am awkward and people scare me."

Oh, same honey, same.

"Hogsworth, I wonder where that name came from? Also, sorting? Really? Did I die and wake up in a Harry Potter Fan Fiction? I mean I have read some raunchy Fics about that and need to mentally prepare myself."

Lisa immediately squealed in excitement, making me jump at least 7 feet in the air as she flung her arms around my neck "I'm In Hogsworth too!"

I knew a friend would be good for me, I had friends in theater, but never in school. Maybe being friends with Lisa will be a nice change, I mean how else would I survive.

Whatever it takes to learn to love this place, right?

WELL HERE'S PART ONE

I APOLOGIZE IF THIS IS TRASH BUT LET'S BE HONEST, I'M TRASH

LOVE YOU ALL


	2. Chapter 2

Phil's P.O.V.

I fell onto my bed with a groan or exhaustion. God I hated move in day. I hated the packing and the unpacking and the cleaning up and the organizing. Just all of it generally, I mean how many times have I moved into a dorm? Two, now three. Will it ever get any less awful? I mean, probably not because its manual labor and ew.

My comforter tickled my face as I nuzzle into it, yawning. I don't understand why I couldn't just come last and spend the night at an inn instead of taking the long train ride that left at 5:30 AM. I sprawl out and close my eyes, feeling like getting up that early deserves a long nap, but someone had other ideas.

It was maybe 4 minutes into my nap when I heard the familiar teasing of my best friend and designated Dorm Mate, PJ."I mean same Phil, but I think 11:20 is a bit early for a nap right?" I groaned in response, he doesn't understand my love of naps.

"You say that when you have to wake up at 3:30 to catch a 5:30 train to the opposite end of England, and then have to be deal with the embarrassingly flirty sorority girl giving out assignments."

He laughed and plopped on my bed and grabbing my copy _paper towns_ book off the shelf and using it to swat my butt. I roll over "this is animal abuse" wrapping the pillow around my head for protection.

PJ just sighed before moving to shake my shoulders. "Come on Phil. We have freshmen to prepare for."

God, he was right.

As juniors, we need to help with orientation and house sorting, which is the most pointless event of the year saying they still lived in dorms as freshmen. I sat up, running my hands over my face and then fluffing up my black fringe, yawning gently before eventually dragging himself from bed.

We passed through our dorm, which was more like a studio apartment, and stopped to make a quick note of where we'd be if one of the two roommates we've been assigned did happen to show up.

PJ was a social butterfly and couldn't wait to get out and meet the freshmen, but I on the other hand just wanted sleep. I was an awkward potato and wasn't the best with people, PJ was my only real friend.

I sighed and rolled up my sleeves as we walked out of the large oak doors of the Hogsworth dorms and into the late August sun.

Immediately I fixed my sleeves because I momentarily forgot I'm pale as all hell.

I looked around as upperclassmen mingled with the newbies and made eye contact with a short-ish boy with powdery hair. _Oh no. No. Please don't come and talk to m_ \- and now he's walking over.

Great. Social interaction.

"Hello, welcome to Regent's University. Do you have any questions?" I've said that statement a bunch in my head but it still sounded so fake. I was horrible at Socializing. Awful. I always end up attracting the weirdos.

Luckily, the boy didn't mind "Yes. I'm a sophomore in the International program and I have no idea what I'm doing?" His voice had an American accent but dripped heavily in sass. I kind of liked him already.

"Okay, so first you want to go to the booth with the red banner and the blonde girl who is showing enough cleavage to earn a parent advisory sticker, after that come back with your Dormitory name and I'll help you" I explained and pointed across the quad.

 _Okay Philip this isn't so bad. He was nice. Most people are nice. Just because this is a Private school doesn't mean they're all awful people._ I take a deep breath and run my hands through my hair, letting my mind wander.

Until I heard a throat being cleared

I looked up and came face to face with a pair of large bronze eyes. Immediately I jumped back and knocked into a girl behind me.

 _Oops_

I rush out a quick apology to the girl, who obviously was too busy scanning the crowd for men to notice. Hesitantly I turn my attention to those eyes.

"Well, that was probably an excellent welcome, I'm surprised you haven't moved schools yet." I joke in embarrassment, trying to salvage my dignity.

The eyes were attached to a boy who stood out in like a sore thumb in the summer atmosphere. His brown hair was straightened and he was dressed in all black. He looked edgy in comparison to the walking talking Pinterest boards the Quad was filled with.

I could feel my mouth go dry.

"Yes, so anyways I was wondering where Hogsworth hall is located?" He asked in a cool voice. I stared at him before turning around and pointing directly behind me. This campus needs better maps really. The boy sighed in annoyance before collecting his huge pile of luggage and making his way past. Just like that he was gone.

I must have been staring because the Sophomore from America was tapping on my shoulder. "God, sorry I'm a little distracted." I apologize quickly. "What's your name? I forgot to ask."

He smiled knowingly "Tyler Oakley, and I was told by the blonde girl that we're roommates? And that your name is Phil Lester."

My eyebrows arch "okay roomie, I guess I can show you to our dorm" I smirked at Tyler who responded by smirking back. See Phil? People aren't that scary.

Yet, as I chatted with people and got to know Tyler I couldn't help but wonder…

Who was that boy?

Ahhhhhh

There's chapter two.

I promise it will get gayer and we will experience musical theater Dan which is always fun.

Read and review if you want. I promise this will get better eventually.


	3. Chapter 3

**DAN'S P.O.V**

It was about 5:15 when I finally collapsed on my freshly made bed. God I hated any kind of room cleaning or moving.

 _I really hated anything that didn't involve sitting on my ass and scrolling through Tumblr._

I already met my roommate, a Tall somewhat nerdy looking lit student named Chris. He seemed nice so far, but I wasn't ready to bond with my new roomie just yet.

I found that my acquaintance, Lisa lived across the hall of the Dormitory from me. Mainly, because she insisted I walk her to her room. Which I did because I have the same likelihood of saying no to someone of Winnie the fucking Pooh.

Everyone seemed nice, which was scary for a rich kid school.

Honestly, I was feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling anxious and paranoid and needed to blow off some steam before I turn irritated and evolve into the literal Antichrist.

I knew there was one thing I could do to make myself relax.

It took maybe 45 seconds to find the direction of the Auditorium from my dorm room. Immediately I was grabbing my iPod and Aux cord and filling up my water bottle before making my way across the campus to the arts building.

Even though I am an involuntary law student (Law seemed like the most fundamental major I saw on the application) the one thing I was good at was theater. It was my life and I was the happiest when I was on a stage. It was the best way to mask the bullshit.

I felt the stage butterflies as I walked down the carpeted rows and up the stairs onto the stage. Luckily it was empty. It would have been extremely embarrassing if I had to be watched by the curious bystanders.

Nobody liked those nosy fuckers.

Instantly I made my way to the stage managers panel and plugged in my Aux cord. I already knew I wanted something dark so I fumbled around before I selected backtrack of You're fucked from Spring Awakening. Which was my secret guilty pleasure musical.

I cleared my throat as the opening cords filled the room. It took a few bars to evolve into Melchior Gabor from the ordinary Dan Howell. The second I let myself go every ounce of stress seeped out of my system.

The months of anger and disappointment that has been locked up since graduation flew out as I hit the chorus. The fights with my parents and the hours of crying myself to sleep as I reread my Acceptance letter seemed forgotten.

God this is what I wanted to do with my life.

I haven't steeped onto a stage since the end of the year gala where me and my Ex-Boyfriend preformed a song from Rent. The feel of the lights and the warm flutter of energy in my gut was like oxygen to me.

I missed this like a fish would miss oxygen. I missed the singing, the energy, and I missed the feeling of becoming someone else for a change.

I didn't realize I missed Audience reaction until it dragged me out of my current haze.

A soft clapping broke from the wing beside me, causing me to spin around

sharply.

I didn't know who the fuck snuck in here but I've seen phantom and played Slender too many times to know they probably weren't good.

My eyes fell on a figure in a powder blue sweatshirt and ungodly tight skinny jeans.

And by ungodly, I mean they had to be a sin to be that appealing on anyone human.

I mean he was sinfully hot.

His black hair hung in his wide eyes and looked aesthetic against his pale skin. His teeth gently gripped his rosy bottom lip as he stopped clapping to stare at me.

 _Well fuck me up_

I must have looked irritated because when I locked my eyes with him he immediately released his lip and blushed.

Jesus Christ I'm not that scary.

"I really am sorry if I startled you. I came in here looking for one of the House Representatives to ask a question for my roommate." He stammered quickly I almost didn't understand.

His accent was thick and northern, yet fell under the category of "Sexy British". It took a minute before I realized where I've heard it.

"Oh, didn't you point me to my dorm earlier" I asked while crossing the stage to unplug my music from the tech panel.

He flushed again and looked at his feet bashfully "I did. I didn't recognize you at first. I didn't even think you would've remembered me"

I remember him. He was the only one of the upperclassmen at orientation who didn't seem 100% full of himself. All the others seemed too posh and radiated Douche.

The fact he apologized for watching me preform just proved my theory that he was the resident cinnamon roll.

But holy fuck he didn't have the body of one.

In my eyes, with the porcelain skin and the wide eyes and plump lips and those hips. He didn't have the right to be a cinnamon roll. He had the body of a Sinnamon roll.

With an emphasis on _Sin._

 _And sinning was something I'm good at._

* * *

 **(A/N I am sorry if this is bullshit, I did this in Art History instead of taking notes. Opps.**

 **I apologize for making Dan a bit of a skank but also, I live for skanky Dan.**

 **Let me know thoughts on Musical Dan, if he is enjoyed I'll add more of him.**

 **Read and Review if you want too)**


	4. Chapter 4

I have known I'm not straight since the summer before 8th grade when I kissed my classmate Casper Lee at a party. However, I wouldn't call myself gay. I mean I've dated girls before. The relationships never got past 3 months and 2nd base. There was never a connection.

Emotional connection, not connection via Gentiles.

Well, technically neither connections.

I just never got that far in a relationship with anyone I've dated.

I wasn't the community cherry boy. I have done stuff with girls before. I even hooked up a girl in my resident hall at the Christmas party my Freshman year. That memory makes me cringe. Not because she was ugly or bad or anything, she just called me "Micky" the entire time because she was kind of dense and too drunk. I was far to sober to enjoy it.

Anyways, I just wasn't gay. Maybe just a little curious or confused. That was normal in college. It doesn't make me gay to have thoughts about men.

My brother on the other hand was Hetero McGee. He had the wife, the screaming newborn and the stereotypical family home in the suburbs with the dog. My parents just loved my brother. How embarrassing would it be if they found their second born was the family homo. I mean my parents were religious to the point it would make the Pope scowl.

If I came out, I would shame the Lester Family name.

Despite all this, something unknown coursed through my veins as I watched the boy sing. My blood felt hot as lava but I felt the pins and needles all over my body like I was in a winter storm.

It was bizarre.

His voice was thick and silky but had an angry edge as the notes floated around the room. I have lost all sense of knowledge as I stood watching. I forgot why I was in the auditorium anyways. I mean I can be forgetful sometimes, but it's never this bad. I blame him entirely.

The music that his voice accompanied was drowning out and he belted a note that would put Whitney to shame.

Jesus Christ the kid had talent.

Before I could remember I was being a creep and spying on him, my hands started rapidly clapping as the music died down.

I really should get control of myself.

He whipped around and gasped as he saw me. His slightly flushed cheeks quickly paled.

Aw Heck. I didn't want to scare him. I just wanted to watch him sing. Which I realize was something to do alone and that I shouldn't have watched.

It took me a few minutes to realize I was staring at the Attractive... Ugh oops... I mean talented boy. He looked generally freaked out. Not that I could blame him. "I... Ugh. I really am sorry if I startled you. I came in here looking for one of the house representatives to ask a question for Roommate."

Oh yea, that's why I was in here. Oops.

God, did I sound northern.

I mean I was northern but I sound like all of House Stark and Mel Gibson of Brave Heart had a love baby.

The boy's eyebrows furrowed together and he smiled "Oh, didn't you point me in the direction of my dorm room earlier?" He crossed over to the tech stand and unplugged his aux cord from the system.

Oh that smile. I can't forget that smile.

He was a good looking Mother Fricker. I'll give him that.

I looked at my galaxy vans to try to hide the blush in my cheeks.

It didn't occur to me I was worth remembering. "I did. I didn't recognize you at first. I didn't think you would have remembered me."

God why do I sound so awkward? Why am I freaking out? All I did was point him in the direction of his dorm. It's not like I promised him an intimate evening on a bed of rose petals.

He chuckled "I'm good with faces. Plus, you look kind of different that everyone else on campus. Also, you are forgiven for listening to my rhythmical squawking."

He grins at me and I see his dimples. Oh, my lord why did he look so good to me?

I've checked out boys before. I knew I wasn't good. According to tumblr I feel under what is called "Bisexual".

He was just attractive, that's all.

"My name is Phil. I'm a junior. Majoring in Art History with a Minor in European Studies." I awkwardly hold out my hand.

He smiles politely "And my name is Dan." He slips his hand in mine and our skin touches and its like a fire erupted.

Even as our hands released, the burning sparks were still there.

 **(I'm glad I got this done even though it's literal garbage. Also, I am going to add the classic "everyone wants to date Phil" cliché but I am trying to make the phan community love PJ because PJ is a precious cinnamon roll.)**

 **Okay I'm done talking love you**


	5. Chapter 5

**DAN'S P.O.V.**

I sighed as I pressed my way through the mass of intoxicated students clustered in the Student Courtyard. The base of Britney's "Till the world ends" filled my ears as I waved fake fog out of my face. The Sorting Ceremony turned out to be a huge mixer with the five different dormitories. My original instinct was to stay upstairs and watch stranger things all night but Lisa insisted I go socialize.

I was a bit salty that Lisa made me come only to ditch me for her ex-boyfriend, Shane and her Roommate Jenna. I knew I couldn't exactly complain because she did tell me to "Make Friends".

Yea sorry Lisa, my only friends are my laptop and my Right hand.

My roommate, seemed infatuated with a boy he met during orientation and was busy talking to him. I didn't want to interrupt.

Lisa looked like she was busy as well. Her Ex was sent to the same college for his film and writing program and I generally think they had some things to work out

Thus, being said, I was left alone.

I beeline it to the edge of the party, awkwardly bumping into couples and groups. I said the phrase "excuse me" at least 48 times as I moved through the spaces. I swear to god I've had my ass grabbed more times than I assumed possible.

Fuck I hate parties.

I mean, socializing with the theater department in high school was never hard or scary. They were always really kind and supportive of everyone they met. Conversation was always natural. Friendships formed out of mutual respect and it was impossible not to build relationships with anyone. We were all so close.

That wasn't what it was like here. All the smiles seemed cold and empty. Nobody said hello out of common courtesy. Everyone wanted to be friends with me because they recognized my face and knew that I was an important ally. That wasn't what I needed in my life. The only people who have tried to be nice are Lisa, who is American and that boy from earlier, Phil.

Who am I kidding? I told myself I would try, try to belong and to make a life that wouldn't be miserable because that's what my family deserved. I have tried. It hasn't been 12 hours since I have arrived and I already felt so alone.

Something felt at ease to me today as I walked on the stage and sang. It was like a drug that I couldn't get out of my system. My heart ponded and I felt my blood run hot. It was what I was supposed to do. Not be stuck here in what felt like a never-ending Game of Thrones AU

I gazed around a bit before I saw the place that could keep me occupied until I could get the fuck out of this trendy intoxicated hell:

The Snack and Drink table.

I have had years of Political events and knew that the best way to avoid any kind of social interaction was to find the food, create a stash of it and find an empty room or corner to eat in peace. I have done this at every party since I was about Twelve. Especially when it is your families' venue, you know where the good hiding places are.

I stride over to the area as quickly as I could carry myself. The level of my socially awkwardness was at this point was concerning.

The second I am close enough I reach out and grab myself a slice of pizza and shove a half empty bottle of scotch in my pocket. The food table was quiet and only had a few people surrounding it.

My head felt light and clear as I exhaled in relief.

A few feet away, on the grassy lawn there was a large tree with wide branches that was safe from the annoying party lights. In my mind if there was a place where drunk adolescents wouldn't go it was there.

It took longer to climb up the tree than I liked to admit. it took a few minutes to hoist myself up onto the branch from the ground because let's face it, my arms can hold up my high notes and maybe a bowl of fruit loops, not my entire weight.

A few sad moments climbing and one empty promise about going to the gym to get in shape later I was sitting on a branch 12 feet above the ground. I had my pizza slice in between my teeth during my climb and unfortunately dropped it but I can at least give in to the underage drinking. I leaned back against the center of the tree and pulled the scotch out my pocket.

From the corner of my eye I could see a flash of white and black movement. I jump and my hands have to grip onto the branch above me to keep from flying. My eyes do a double take and slowly focus on a grinning Phil. I sigh in relief and clutch my chest "Holy shit I thought I was alone"

He giggled softly and moved from his branch to my own, gripping the wood and lowering himself next to me. "We keep running into each other this way."

God his laugh was angelic. It sounded like gentle bells jingling. I take a minute to let my eyes rake over him subtly. He looked like a dream with his skinny jeans and black choppy fringe. He wasn't wearing his soft sweater like earlier, he was in a black and red flannel that clung tightly around his broad shoulders.

 _Holy hell he is good looking._

"Do you mean coincidentally running into each other or do you mean every time I am being an antisocial piece of trash and you happen to appear?" I tease playfully.

I wouldn't admit it, but since our encounter in the auditorium this afternoon my thoughts have been frequently returning to this boy. In the last few hours his blue eyes and perfect skin have tumbling around in the darkest pits of my imagination.

"Well I guess I just have bad timing I guess. So, what brings you to my humble hang out? Curiositree?" He asks with a giggle and I sigh dramatically. Tree puns. The boy just made a tree pun.

"Did you realize that you just made the worst pun ever?" I ask with an eyeroll which makes him break out in a soft little laugh that kind of sounded like a pug. "God if you weren't so cute I would have jumped to my death." I giggle softly before my brain bitched slapped me with the reality of what I've just said.

Oh no. I called him cute.

Why did I just call the one person I can interact with cute? Someone who may not be attracted to the same sex?

God I just met him. What the fuck is wrong is wrong with me? I'm waiting for Satan to erupt from the ground and fuck me up the ass right here.

Phil raised an eyebrow at me and our eyes locked. His blue ones searching mine curiously as I awkwardly smiled. I felt the heat radiating off my face as I was just waiting to someone to come put me out of my misery like a wounded animal. Maybe I can get Lisa to write my eulogy? I should have my gravestone say "ugh" because that defines me as a person to be honest.

Thankfully, he grinned and shrugged "I don't know as a man in my twenties that cute is the word of choice but thank you for the compliment." I felt my entire body relax.

Okay this is good. This is fine.

"It was the first word to pop in my head. I sometimes say things like this. Oh well, no homo."

AHAHAHA no homo. Bitch please.

 _I am very homo_

Phil just smiled and ran his hands through that hair. God, he was so beautiful with that hair and his big eyes. There are several other words in my head that might pop out if I am not careful.

Cute is easier to dismiss than _fuck me now_ or _top daddy_

"So why aren't you partying with the rest of the student body?" Phil look at me with curiosity and I shrug "I don't see the need to drink and make horrible mistakes the first night of college when we have 4 years to do that, I mean don't waste all the free passes your freshman year." I answer bluntly,

Instead of recoiling in disgust at my salty attitude, Phil nodded and smiled at me "Yea I can understand where you're coming from. I'm too much of a goody-goody to party, I don't even curse." He gave a small shrug and looked down in embarrassment.

God, he is the most smol bean in existence.

I smirk at him and raise an eyebrow "Say Cunt."

His jaw dropped at the word and his eyes widened in horror "WHAT! No! I don't want to..."

I giggled and repeated the word in different voices and pitches and watched as Phil was soon laughing uncontrollably.

"Say it. SAY IT. Cun-" I stop my teasing the second I feel his warm hand cover my mouth, my body gently being pressed into the rough wood of the tree. I can feel my face redden. Phil's body was leaning closer to me as his arms reached out to silence me. I feel his body against my own and things were going to go south, in more ways than one if he did not move in the next 3 seconds.

"Dan. Don't swear." He lectured me softly and slowly scooted back into his original position.

I couldn't speak, I was shocked. My eyes were wide and thankfully it was to dark to see the blood rush in my cheeks and the other places.

I don't know what has happened to me but the only thing I wanted to do at this point was to have a relationship with Phil.

My loneliness seemed gone, as did my regrets and every other stressful thing that has been plaguing me since I walked onto campus.

I have been on campus for 10 hours and I was developing feelings for someone. Suddenly the posh bitchy student population weren't even an inconvenience.

It hit me

if I want to be happy; I must fall in love with Phil.

 _Or fall into his bed, I'm not picky._

 **(A/N Well this is shit. But I tried for you guys 3)**


	6. Chapter 6

PHIL'S POV

I don't know what I was thinking when I covered Dan's mouth and pressed him against a tree. I know he was kidding, I was too. Something inside of me just snapped.

My cheeks flushed as I leaned against him. My hands gently placed against his lips and his body beneath me radiating heat. His large golden eyes wide and dark with an emotion I couldn't name. I felt a tingle in my gut that felt strange and foreign.

 _What was I doing?_

I look away, breaking the eye contact "Dan. Don't swear." I shift back slowly and pull my hands off his mouth. I was expecting him to continue teasing me but he didn't, he just gaped at me.

The awkward silence dragged on for what seemed like years. I stared off in the direction of downtown London, then my dorm window, just any direction that wasn't Dan. I felt his eyes on me like the heat that radiates off a fire.

The tension was broken when he cleared his throat. A wave of relief rushed through me as I slowly turned to face him. He was smiling at me in a way you cannot just describe and I relaxed a bit when he started speaking. "It's getting cold, right? I know it isn't really late but I know it will take me forever to get settled, I was wondering if you would by any chance want to go hang out?"

I felt my pulse quicken but for some reason I can't explain. "Yea sure Dan. Just let me let my roommate know in case he is really drunk and I am not there. I should let my other roommates know as well. PJ is a _really_ sloppy drunk and they should be prepared.

He smiled softly at me, his eyes dancing humorously as he nodded "That's fine. I should let my roomie know as well."

We climbed down from our perches in the branches, well Dan climbed while I got half way and fell out, landing on my ass and causing a group of drunk girls to swoon like they do over a dog or baby. Thanks girls, really flattering.

I walked towards the dancing bodies scanning for one of my dormmates. Luckily the search wasn't hard. My newest roomie, Shane was talking to a blonde girl on one of the benches and I made my way over.

I didn't know Shane very well but he seemed cool so far. The main thing I have understood from our few hours of interaction was that he is American, likes to say queen very loudly, and enjoys dark humor. I was too busy freaking out about Dan all afternoon to really talk to him or Tyler.

"Umm Hey Shane?" I interrupt his conversation and he looks at me with a dopy grin and questioning eyes. I smiled back awkwardly, nodding at his blonde friend before moving on "I'm going to go hang out at a friend's dorm room okay? I know that at last Tyler has his key with him if you don't and a word of advice... PJ will be drunk so be kind."

Shane smiled playfully. "Hopefully he's not too hungover tomorrow, I sing Britney at the top of my lungs every morning. It's a ritual." I nodded a response and my eyes searched around for Dan.

For some reason, just finding Dan in a crowd of people made my heart flutter softly in my chest. There is no rational explanation for why this boy made me feel so nervous all the time. Should there be?

My brother was straight, so was my father, and his father before him and every Lester in our documented history was straight. Why was I different? I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be bisexual. I wanted to find a nice girl to date who was sexy and kind and made me feel anything but empty. I guess it just doesn't work that way.

We don't always get what we want. I know that. I don't think asking to be straight was a huge thing, I was just asking to be good enough for my family.

For some reason, the only thing I seem to want tonight was Dan.

 _But, we can't get everything we want..._

* * *

 **(A/N: yea this is trash and it took me over a week to write it. I am having horrible writers block but I will make it up to you by adding Kissy Cuties so please forgive my horribleness.)**

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	7. Chapter 7

**DAN**

I feel Phil's eyes on me as I cross through the quad. There was something about the gaze. Usually I hated people staring at me, but when Phil looked at me I felt confident.

I knew I was getting in to deep. I usually didn't do feelings. Yea, I've had relationships before but being fully committed to someone was something I just didn't do. I always had things to focus on like theater, and my future.

For some reason, Phil didn't seem like someone who did casual feelings. He seemed to have strong morals and everything. Which made everything harder. I couldn't just play with him because it made me feel good could I? No. I am not going to hurt him.

I push my way through the masses of bodies dancing and flirting. I have given up saying "excuse me" and trying to get them to move. It just made people annoyed and I don't want to make the drunk people angry.

When I finally make my way, Phil is awkwardly standing by the door of our dorm hall. He instantly looks relieved as his eyes fall on me, which makes me smile. The boy was nice, too nice to have a body like that. It was generally unfair. If he was an Asshole I wouldn't think twice about it.

He smiles and runs his hand through his hair as we silently make our way through the heavy doors. The heat of the building stung against my cheeks, which were cold from the night air. I turned too look at Phil but noticed that his entire face was red from the cold and burst out laughing. "What?" His blue eyes widened in panic as I giggled uncontrollably.

"Dude, how pale are you? Your face is just... so red right now. _Oh my god you're white_." My teasing made the older boy roll his eyes and pout "Shut up"

"I mean, are you that cold? I could warm you up." I raised an eyebrow and walked up the stairs without another word, leaving a blushing Phil staring after me. Maybe I could flirt with him if I don't let him respond? He will just think it is me teasing.

I was halfway up the stairs when I heard the padding of feet on the wood. Smirking, I look over to see a wide-eyed Phil with slightly pink cheeks walking beside me, staring off into space.

 _God he was so fucking attractive._

I lead him down the hall, to my door and smiled as I reached for my keys. He looked genuinely comfortable to be hanging out with me, which was nice seeing I am literally the most socially awkward human alive. After a few minutes of strangling my doorknob the thing swung open, and I stepped aside, letting Phil in.

He smiled politely and sat down on my bed, obvious that it was my side of the room due to the black aesthetic and a series of musical posters on the walls. I plopped down next to him, laying back and resting my crossed legs over his thighs. "So, what is up Philip?"

I knew I was being cheeky, but at this point i really didn't care. I needed to see the wide eyed blushing again. I stretch my legs out and squirm closer and grin at him. The pale boy looks at me and a gentle pink slowly heats up his cheeks "Umm-I ummm I am good Dan." He looks away and tilt my head to the side.

He was so cute

"So what do you college boys do to entertain yourselves?" I raise an eyebrow and he just chuckles softly, shrugging at me. I nod and swing my legs off of him, bouncing up and moving to my desk and pick up my Laptop. I place it in Phil's arms and bend down, pulling out a crate from under my bed that holds my DVD collection. It was completely obvious that i was going to make this boy watch a musical with me, that was a true test of worthiness.

"Okay Philly. We have _Chicago_ , which is pretty girls murdering people. _Phantom_ , or French people fighting a creepy ass ghost. We have _Rent_ , Gay Artists dying and having domestic arguments. And then the Queen herself, _Les Miserables_. Pick." I wiggle my eyebrows at him and he giggles at me softly

"You are a theater nerd?" I smirk and laugh evilly at him "Is it that obvious? You will be corrupted my son." I jump on my bed and fall next to him, and he laughs softly, covering his mouth with his hands. I raise an eyebrow and grab _Les Miserables_ from the box "You took too long, were watching pretty French boys."

Phil just shook his head and moved to lay down on his stomach, placing the laptop at the end of my bed. He awkwardly patted the space next to him and I laid next to him, putting the DVD in the slot.

About 45 Minutes later, when Anne Hathaway was on her death bed and Wolverine was promising to adopt her child, I was stuck. Phil was hot. I mean _really_ hot. As he stared at the screen with wide eyes I was just tempted to kiss him. I knew it probably was a bad idea. Yet I wanted it more than anything.

"Dan?" Phil's voice softly called to me, causing me to snap out of my fantasy land. I looked over and he looked at me with innocent eyes "How many People die in this movie, because I don't think I am at the level of our friendship where I can cry."

I raised an eyebrow "Oh Phil. You're, so precious." He simply rolled his eyes and looked back at the screen of my Laptop. I laid my head against his shoulder in mock support but the heat of his body against me felt good. So I let it sit there.

I made it to Master of the House before I cracked. "Phil?" I asked and lifted my head off of him and paused the movie. Sitting up on my side and letting myself face him. He looked over with those eyes again and I snapped.

I gently lean in and move some of his hair out of his face. My eyes looking from his eyes to his lips and back again. I sighed, to give myself the confidence and pressed my lips against his. My free hand cups his face softly, gently rubbing my thumb against his cheek.

He stilled at first, and I thought I made a huge mistake. Then, I heard a soft murmur against my lips. Phil moved one of his arms around me and pulled me closer, and our lips gently moved against each other. Phil's lips parting my own as softly as he could and our tongues hesitantly meeting. My hands ran through his thick dark hair, letting my fingers twirl in the strands. He softly rolled on top of me and I felt my cheeks heat up. Phil's soft murmuring and sighing against my lips was all the encouragement I needed.

I let my leg lift to softly wrap around his body, bringing us closer. I felt my pulse quicken and I moved to gently nip at his pale skin. His hands, which were currently running down my torso seemed to freeze. His lips pulled away from my own and his blue eyes, which looked glossy and dark met mine. His lips were pink and swollen and he gently pushed off of me. He didn't meet my eyes as he stood up and ran his hand through his messy hair.

For some reason he seemed upset, almost angry at me. I was confused, extremely confused. i sat up and adjusted my shirt. Inhaling deeply, trying to slow my breathing "Phil. Are you- did I-" i was at a loss for words. He just shook his head. "Goodnight Dan. It was nice Meeting you."

With that he left my dorm in a hurry. Leaving me confused, Horny,

And Alone

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 **(A/N: I promised you kissing. Here it is. Also Phil just pulled the biggest no homo ever and the I want to scream at him.)**

 **ALSO I HAVE TONS OF READERS NOW. WHICH IS THE BIGGEST SHOCK TO ME EVER**

 **I AM SHOOK**

 **WHY DO YOU GUYS LIKE ME? THIS IS TRASH**

 **I love you all and thank you so much!**


	8. Chapter 8

**PHIL**

Kissing Dan was a mistake I never thought I would make. I found him attractive and all, but I never thought I would act on it. Of course, it was a surprise when he kissed me. I wasn't expecting it but when it happened the world just stopped.

My mind was clouded with uncharacteristic lust and confidence as we kissed. I couldn't explain it, but I seemed to get lost as our mouths moved with each other and his heart beat thumped against my chest. His gentle breathing and whimpering filled my ears when I rolled on top of him. My body greedily trying to let go of all the Lester ideals I was breaking.

As his mouth latched on to the gentle skin of my neck and his hips rolled beneath me I snapped out of my haze. I quickly got up off of him and got out of that room as quick as I possibly could.

Why the hell did I let him kiss me?

I knew that Dan wasn't straight, but it didn't seem like a big deal at the time. I never thought he would act on it. He was flirtatious and cocky but I didn't think that that would matter. You shouldn't go around kissing people without any reason! Dan should know this.

But, if I am being honest with myself, I wasn't exactly uninvolved in this. I let him kiss me. I kissed him back. I have been eyeing him since he arrived on campus. When he kissed, me I laid on top of him and ran my hands down his body like a wild animal. I was far from innocent in this.

So, I did what any smart person would do, I left him.

As I ran down the stairs from Dan's room to my own Dorm room my sight seemed cloudy. I felt my cheeks flush and my heart pound in my ears uncontrollably. I seemed to be running away from my thoughts and feelings.

I wasn't gay. There was no way I was gay. I can't be gay.

I had no problem with anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. I wasn't a homophobe, especially because I enjoyed kissing boys from the looks of it. So, I wasn't against being gay. The fact that my parents were against it on the other hand, just scared me.

I am almost 21 years old. What if I get disowned for being gay. The entire reason I can afford this school was because my parents were willing to pay for it. I could have gone to any private school in existence but I chose this one to get away from the Drama of my family. What happens if I can't pay for tuition anymore?

I unlocked my door and burst into my dorm. Luckily for me, PJ, Tyler, and Shane where still gone. I had time to sit on my bed and think.

PeeJ was my best friend and even he didn't know I was into guys. He would be supportive no doubt, but he would also tell me to talk to my parents was something I didn't want to do. Which is why I never told him about my thoughts about boys.

I didn't know Tyler or Shane well enough to tell them. There was no way I would talk to my brother about it. The only person I could talk to, is Dan. That was not a thing I wanted to do.

He was a Freshman and I was a junior, so avoiding him would be easy. Avoiding him was my best option at this point. I don't want to have to explain my actions to him. He wouldn't understand. At this moment, I was alone.

Being alone was my only option.

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 **(A/N: Hi! You guys are all cute and super sweet. I feel bad for not updating this as much but I promise I will pick it up soon! This chapter was kind of rushed because I had a shit ton of homework but I wanted to give you guys something. I promise the plot will start picking up.)**

 **ALSO, NOW I HAVE EVEN MORE READS. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?**

 **Thank you all for reading and being patient with me! I love you all.**

 **The next chapter will be fun and sassy I promise!**


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